Essays From the Heart -CONDEMNATION-

Hey y'all! Raise your hand if you've ever suffered from this horrible disease. I'm gonna call it for what it is, a terrible, horrible, crippling disease that eats away at your flesh, killing all hope of a better way, as it leads us to death. Oh, how I wish to free from it!!! With Christ's help, and the blood He shed for me at the cross, I can be!! Isn't that simply wonderful?? I sin. I repent. I am forgiven. But then you see, there is this little tool in the devil's toolbox, one that he uses quite frequently. It is a dangerous tool and leaves a victorious christian down on her knees crying for help. My mind goes to that auto immune disease where the immune system attacks itself making you very, very sick and you can't fight it off cuz when you boost the immune system it only becomes stronger and you're left with a body that attacks itself. Pretty bad situation, don't ya think??

Well, you've seen the title of this blog post, so you prolly already know what I'm talking about. That's right! Condemnation!! Agh! How I hate that word! Or rather, how I hate what it's already done to my life. What if I could live free without condemning myself for every little mistake I'v made. I'm guessing you've prolly heard that little voice in your head,telling you things you would never ever say to someone else. Because of the ruin and the hurt you could bring down upon their heads.. It's like this.. We've all got an enemy out there seeking to destroy us. But God has given us a powerful weapon. (We'll call it a sword.) So we have this sword, right? But for some odd reason we can't quite figure out how it works! Ok, so let me give you a little tip that I just figured out this past week. Are you ready?? Fasten your seatbelts! Here she comes! YOU CAN'T POINT THAT SWORD TOWARDS YOURSELF!!! Ok, so that may have seemed obvious. But why do we do it so often then?? Save those insults for the enemy! YOU are a child of God!!!

Let's take a little walk through my brain. I'd tell you to close your eyes and imagine this with me, but obviously you have to keep your eyes open in order to keep reading so just do your best.

Imagine; There is a little child in a cold dark room. She's bleeding, her clothes are in tatters, as she lays there on the cold, hard, cement floor. How much do you just want to go rescue this child right now?? Or how much do you want to go finish beating her up?? You are God's precious creation. He created you exactly the way He did for a reason and a purpose. There were no mistakes when He created you. Nothing got bumped around on your face. I used to think that when God made me and angel must've bumped His hand or something. Cuz otherwise, how could I have turned out so messed up?? I was a firm believer that girls should never beat themselves up and was quick to rescue them when they did. Yet, I thought I had a right to beat up one person on this earth.... ME. Why?? I don't know where I got this terrible idea, and I don't know exactly when I started this horrible practice. But somewhere along the lines I thought it was ok. I even thought it was necessary! Cuz how else would I ever learn?? I couldn't wait on conviction to show me right from wrong. I had to pay for the wrongs done in my life. Cuz if I live a life without condemnation, how will the Holy Spirit do its job on convicting me?? I was fearful that I would fall into the ditch of lawlessness, because if I wasn't beating myself up anymore, how could I ever possibly stay on the straight and narrow path??

But I found this issue not only in my spiritual life where I would refuse to receive God's forgiveness, but also in the little things of everyday life. Things that I couldn't help. Things that were out of my control. Like missing the ball in a volley ball game would bring an onslaught of; "You clumsy little thing!" "Why didn't you get that ball!" "Why are you playing in the first place?" "You should know better than this!!" On and on the list went of insults I would hurl at myself for making little mistakes. I would be sure that the rest of my team was thinking the same things toward me. Sure that on the inside they were laughing at me too.

But now I call, saying those things about any of God's Creation, me included, a sin against God and myself. I need to forgive myself for the mistakes I make everyday. Learning to be ok with making a ton of mistakes is huge. These are all key ingredients in living a successful life. But firstly I needed to repent to God for mocking, hating, and beating up this child, His creation. Now I'm left to walk this out in my day to day life. And I'm ever so thankful for the amazing group of friends that will continue to walk this out with me.

One last point I would like to make. If we see a bother or sister fall into sin, We are there for them, support them, and we hold them accountable. Why wouldn't we do that for each other??

Sin is sin in God's eyes. It doesn't really matter what it is. Now,there are some sins that are blasphemies unto God and I would never recommend doing that!! I would actually never recommend sinning of any kind. Anyways, that was quite the bunny trail.So let's get back to my questions. Why do we think it's ok to hurt God's creation?? Psalms 139 says, "How precious are Thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them!"

If you struggle with this, I would highly recommend memorizing the entire chapter of Psalms 139. There is simply something about memorizing a verse, that engraves the words on your heart. So let's be vigilant for this enemy. It's much easier to catch him right away vs, waiting until he's already done the damage. But don't become discouraged!! We serve a mighty God! A God who heals and restores! God can take all of your mistakes and scars, and make something wonderfully glorious out of it! Rest in peace, my dear friend, and I look forward to hearing from you.